far too warm meant that i took one of my pillows (she was using the other) and the spare blanket and went out to the couch. Now, normally, i can rest on the couch. However, again, i am nine and a half months pregnant and the couch wasn't exactly wide to begin with... There's also the fact that i had five cats attempting to sleep with and/or on me as well as the noise from my little sister's television and her music (for some odd reason I just can't get to sleep listening to David Bowie) and... well... it isn't a recipe for a good nights sleep. In fact, i haven't slept at all.
With the above in mind, there are multiple thoughts that could have run through my head at 5:30 in the morning and in fact, many did. Thoughts like: Why the hell am i the one on the couch? What time is it? Why the hell am i listening to this shit? Is it rude to wake the other two currently asleep in my bed since they aren't letting me get any sleep? ... Despite all those thoughts, there is one that actually stuck in my head long enough to get some serious consideration from me and the thought would be this: Can i continue to try to lead a polyamorous lifestyle? ...The answer?: No, i don't believe i can.
Please don't get me wrong. i fully believe in loving more than one person at once and will always be polyamorous but it isn't something that i feel i can incorporate into my life anymore. It will be extremely difficult to suppress that side of myself but it's something that i feel must be done. Why? Because, no matter how much i may love someone other than my Husband, He will always come first if i had to choose between the two of them. It is supposed to be a balance. i don't believe i am capable of finding the perfect and precise balance needed. Someone will always end up being hurt though nine times out of ten it would be completely unintentional. Knowing this, i cannot (in good conscience) take on another lover in my life, no matter how much they mean to me. There's also the issue of having to, one day, explain it to my children and... i don't think i am up for that kind of task. It would have to be something the child grows up around and believes in completely natural (which it is) but this would lead the child(ren) to talk about it to other (not that i'm ashamed, mind you) and typical society does not accept such things. It would, therefore, cause the child to be teased, ridiculed and possibly even shunned by peers and the parents of said peers. i will not be the cause of such scarring and torture for my child(ren). Now, what my Husband will do from here forward, i cannot even begin to guess. i will, naturally, support whatever decision He makes while striving to find a way to make it fit into my own lifestyle and keep everyone happy (Not an easy task, mind you).
One a lighter note, the baby is doing wonderfully. Larger than expected. Apparently about two weeks ahead of itself weight wise, weighing somewhere between seven and eight pounds currently. i will admit to being somewhat worried about the size since i still have two weeks left though that fear is, honestly, fading slowly and instead turning into something more akin to amazement really. The child must certainly take after it's Father. As much as i hate it, it looks like the birth will have to take place in the hospital. Luckily, i found someone to stay with Kimmy since she, understandably, doesn't want to be stuck in the hospital for hours on end while i give birth, let alone end up sleeping there. That was actually a big concern for me.
Master has gotten the job He has been trying to get since W/we first moved down this way. He still worries though, sadly. i wish i knew of a way to make this easier for Him. i know He worries about getting what's left for the baby but, honestly, the only thing that is a must is diaper pins. The rest of what is needed can, if necessary, be handled with what i have here at home. W/we'll take what's coming from Ohio (and i'm almost positive it'll be here in time) and get Master what is needed in order for Him to start work, set some back to get Him back and forth to work until the first check comes in and only then will W/we get what W/we can with what is left. It's important that He be completely and totally prepared for this job as well as able to get back and forth until that first pay comes in and things settle down a little. Honestly though, i have no doubt we'll be just fine!
Well, i've been rambling for a little over half an hour now so i think it's time for me to go. i guess i'll see what's on television, though at six o'clock in the morning, i'm not really expecting to find much. The rest of you take care and stay safe (and sleep well, ya brats!) and i'll get the 3D ultrasound pictures up later.
Master Logans' pet,
Master is currently laying in bed, sound asleep as is a friend of O/ours who decided to crash here. So why am i awake? That's a very good question. i'm going to guess it's because i'm nine and a half months pregnant and was barely sleeping before but when you place me on about twelve inches of bed, despite having a California king (they both find it necessary to spread out and push me off the bed... each and every time)as well as having my hair ripped out by the roots because it was being laid on, not to mention my nightly ritual interrupted and the way I'm used to falling asleep suddenly not occurring piled on top the fact that i was